VALENTINE’S DAY - LOVE IS NOT JUST FOR COUPLES!

Who says that this day should be restricted only to romantic love?  No other day can conjure such powerful imagination of love.  It is a commercially driven day that provokes strongly divided reactions to the perplex display of hearts, and fanciful wishes of romance.  For those in stable, loving relationships, the day offers a wonderful opportunity to express or reaffirm their love.  For those who are recently bereaved, divorced, or single, this is a day that can trigger feelings of overwhelming loneliness and grief.

While Valentine’s Day is merely an arbitrary day that we use as a light hearted way to express our feelings to our partners, it is also true that this day sustains the myth that all couples are happy.  With divorce rates where they are in Nigeria, it is apparent that not all couples are “loving”.  Without intending to bash this “feel-good” day, after all, we can all benefit from an expression of love, it seems that Valentine’s Day may be more widely accepted if it was truly a day for love.  Not just romantic love between couples, but love in all of its forms. 

Many people who find themselves alone on this day, struggle with past hurts, grief, and feelings of inadequacy.  While they are bombarded with images of happy couples, it is important that they remember that their identity is not defined by their relationship status. A person’s worth comes from who they are, not who they are with.  While most would agree that this is true, it doesn’t dull the inevitable feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy that arise when surrounded by the existing love heart at every turn.

So how to deal with these feelings when colleagues receive flowers, lovers seem to be everywhere and romantic cards take over every store front?  While some may choose to avoid the day by staying at home, or just take steps to avoid “happy couples”, it seems that a different approach might offer a more gratifying result.

What about a perspective change?  What if we were to adopt the idea that Valentine’s Day is not just for couples, but for everybody?  While your friends might be buying flowers for their partners, consider the people in your world that you love, and that love you back.  Something special for your mother and a telephone call to your father, perhaps your daughter including siblings will appreciate flowers as much as any lover will.  Maybe spending the evening with your son watching a game would be one way to express your particular brand of love.  Random acts of kindness can bring a surprisingly wonderful sense of well-being.  

For those who struggle with this day, it might be helpful to spend time with friends or family - people with whom you have already established positive, loving relationships.  It could be a time to focus on what you have, rather than on what you feel you are missing.  Create new traditions.  Invite your single friends over for dinner and take foods to your neighbors who are always there for you. 

As with anything in life, being prepared for a challenging situation can make all the difference in the world.  Do not let another Valentine’s Day sneak up on you and leave you feeling badly.  Take control. Plan how you want to spend it.  Plan how you can create a day that actually makes you feel good.  Incorporate all the normal, healthy coping strategies that are useful in all situations.  Get enough sleep, maintain your normal routines of diet and regular exercise draw upon your inner strengths, and above all, surround yourself with people who comfort and sustain you.

Valentine’s Day offers us a unique opportunity to undertake a new perspective on how we choose to celebrate love.  The traditional approach with flowers, cards, and romance works beautifully for some.  For others, a display of love towards children, parents, or friends can be equally rewarding.  But in the midst of all the various means of displaying love to others, let us not forget the benefits of looking after our own needs.  This Valentine’s Day, offer yourself the same thing you give to all of the loved ones in your life, and make the effort to show yourself a little love!

Somebody said the difference between courtship and marriage is like the difference between the pictures in a seed catalog and what actually comes up in your garden.  But it does not have to be that way.

PERSONAL FINANCIAL PLANNING 2013 [PART ONE]

Home Truths

·         Whether you are tired or not, you will retire or be retired from your job.

·       Whether you want to or not, you will grow old & feeble if you live long enough.

·     Whether you want to or not, your family, relatives and friends will need your financial support.

·         Whether you like it or not, you will either live under a roof or under the skies; you will eat whatever you have to eat and wear whatever you have to wear.

·         Whether you like it or not, nobody can love you more than you love yourself.

What is Personal Financial Planning [PFP]?

•      A committed interest in managing your financial resources.

•      Distinguishing between needs and wants.

•      Making plans for satisfying your needs.

•      Making provision for times of lack.

•      Taking charge and responsibility for your finances.

•      Foregoing current benefits for future benefits.

•      Investments.

What Does PFP Involve?

•         Pay yourself first by saving

•         Educate yourself.

•         Think Long Term.

•         Give reasonably.

PFP Principles – Pay Yourself First By Saving

•      This is indispensable! It is also the most difficult thing to do!

•      Start with the “rule of ten” – Save 10% - 20% of your monthly income and work up as your earnings increase.

•      Set up a Standing Order TODAY!

•      Open a separate account (Savings or Fixed Deposits)

PFP Principles – Educate Yourself!

•      Read financial pages, read books and articles on financial planning

•      Talk to like minded people who inspire and challenge you.

•      Deepen your skills on the job.

•      Attend training programmes.

•      Acquire new skills.

•      Acquire new academic and professional qualifications.

PFP Principles – Think Long Term  

•      Raise financially responsible children

•      Teach them early to learn to save and manage wealth.

•      Don’t over protect your children from the valuable experience of lack - Raise them so they can compete and survive.

•      Make investments for them in their names from an early age.

•  Invest in the improvement of your children (and your spouse) educationally and professionally.

PFP Principles – Give Reasonably

•      Give a Portion of your earnings to God (tithes etc.). The scriptures says there is blessing in giving.

•      Set aside an amount as a monthly charity budget and ensure you stick to it.

•      In Personal Financial Planning, where friends and relatives are involved, always practice restraint – give reasonably.

•      Be careful when giving. You have a responsibility to your family as well.

Ponder This?

Of 100 people who started working at age 25, by the time they were 63 years old:

•      63% were dependent on their off springs, relatives, friends or charities.

•      29% were dead.

•      3% were still working.

•      4% had accumulated adequate capital for retirement.

•      Only 1% was truly “wealthy”.

•      It is not how much you earn that matters but how much you can save and invest.

YEAR OF GRACE AND FAVOR

“The Lord longs to be gracious to you.”  Isaiah 30:18

On December 31, the clock strikes midnight ushering in another New Year.  Another 365 days to fan the flames of your unfilled hopes and dreams.  A new beginning and gift full of promise.  But you must accept it, unwrap it and use it.  Not everybody does.  Maybe you dread what the New Year holds; retirement, the empty nest, chronic illness, unemployment, life without a loved one.  Well, God loves to take people at the end of their rope and set them on the road to peace, joy and victory.  He is the expert at drying tears, calming fears, injecting courage into anxious hearts and removing the sting of old memories.  He “makes all things new” Rev. 21:5.  But He never leads you back, just forward.

Listen: “The Lord longs to be gracious to you.”  What do you want to see happen this year?  Does it include having your own business?  Losing some weight?  Reuniting with your family?  Only you can complete the question, “What if I could…?”  You alone know what makes your heart leap.  Stephen Covey says, “Begin…with the image of the end of your life as your frame of reference…Each day will then contribute to the vision you have of your life as a whole.”  Seek God.  Determine your goals.  Write them down, and then release the outcome to Him who “longs to be gracious to you.”  To be gracious means “to show favor.”  The desire of God’s heart is that you walk in His grace and favor every day of this year.

THE IMPACT OF EVERY WORD YOU SAY

I am sure you have heard someone say, “You are going to eat those words.”  It may sound like a mere phrase to us but in reality we do eat our words.  What we say not only affects others, but it also affects us.  Words are wonderful when used in a proper way.  They can encourage, edify and give confidence to the hearer.  A right word spoken at the right time can actually be life changing.  Proverbs 15:23 says, “A man has joy in making an apt answer, and a word spoken at the right moment” – how good it is.

Personally, I must bless with my words and not curse because whatever I say stands and happens the way I said it.  One of the powers the Almighty God bestowed on me.  We can literally increase our own joy by speaking right words.  We can also upset ourselves by talking unnecessarily about our problems or things that have hurt us in relationships.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE SPEAK?

The words that come out of our mouth go into our own ears as well as other people’s, and then they drop down into our soul where they give us either joy or sadness, peace or upset, depending on the types of words we have spoken.  God desires that our spirit be light and free so it can function properly, not heavy and oppressed.  We can learn to choose our thoughts, to resist wrong ones and think on good, healthy, and right ones.  I have often said, “Where the mind goes, the man follows.”  And it could also be said that where the mind goes, the mouth follows!

PLAN TO SAY SOMETHING POSITIVE

Having a positive outlook on life and speaking positive words based on God’s Word is one of the most wholesome things we can do.  You do not even have to be talking to someone to increase your joy with your words.  The mere confession of good things is enough to cheer you up.  When you get up in the morning, if there is something you need to attend to that day that you are not looking forward to, you can say, “I dread this day,” or you can say, “God will give me strength today to do whatever I need to do and to do it with joy.”  Which of these two statements do you think would better prepare you for the day?

Anyone who wants to be healthy is careful to choose quality food that will provide good nutrition.  If we want to be healthy in our soul and spirit, we should also choose to take in words that will build us up and increase our peace and joy.  Fortunately, we do not have to wait for someone else to cheer us up!  We can do it with own words by what we choose to talk about.  When we understand the power of words and realize that we can choose what we think and speak, our lives can be transformed.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT IN 2013?

We talk a lot and quite often pay no attention to what we are saying, let alone think seriously about the impact of our words.  If we are honest with ourselves, we may find that some of our bad moods are directly linked to our conversation.  Even some of our problems can be linked to bad choices we make about what we say.  I want to encourage you to take some time and think about the types of things you usually talk about.  What kind of conversation do you enjoy and participate in?

We all have challenges in life, but we can make them better or worse by the way we talk about them.  I am not suggesting at all that we deny reality, but we can choose what we talk about.  Instead of feeding ourselves a steady diet of “bad news”, we should choose to read, watch and talk about good things.  Your words may not be the cause of all your problems, but they can cause a lot of them and they should be given a good deal of consideration when we are looking for answers to the problems we encounter in life. 

I believe there are many good things happening in the world and there is probably more good than bad, but the evil is magnified in a way that often seems overwhelming.  Turn on any news magazine and you will find it filled with reports of murder, theft, wars, famine and all kinds of horribly tragic events.  One thing is for sure, speaking negatively could hurt you and speaking positively never will, so why not go with the positive and see what kind of results you get?

FOR THE ONE WHO HAS EVERYTHING

“They…presented him with…gold…incense and…myrrh.”  Matthew 2:11

It is Christmas.  Jesus’ birthday.  But what can you possibly give to the One who only has everything, but created it all?  The wise men probably asked the same question.  As scholars they were astute enough to navigate thousands of miles guided by a star, influential enough to warrant an audience with King Herod, and rich enough to undertake such a long journey carrying expensive presents.  But in addition to “gold…incense and…myrrh,” they gave Jesus some gifts that are priceless – note what they gave:

1. Their Time.  Long before his birth they had invested years researching and preparing for it – not counting the two years it took them to travel to where He was born.  Do you know what?  You are as close to God today as you want to be, planned to be, and took time to be.  Want to get closer?  Spend more time with Him.
2. Their Worship.  Once they found Him, “They fell down and worshiped Him” Matthew 2:11.  Worship changes us profoundly because when we stand in God’s presence with an open heart and let His Spirit work in us, “We are…changed to be like him” 2 Corinthians 3:18.
3. Their Hope.  While those around saw only darkness these men recognized, “The Light shines in the darkness” John 1:5.  And that has not changed.  God’s healing love shines brightest in the darkness of our dashed dreams and broken hearts.  So in the midst of your family celebrations, take time out to be with Jesus: and how about a special gift to His Work?  After all, it’s His birthday.

What the Birth of Christ Represents To Us

1.  His Birth Gives Us Faith To Believe In God.

Many prophets and others in the Old Testament prophesied the Birth of Christ and many other things concerning Christ the Messiah and His Church.

Isaiah 7:14 “Therefore the Lord Himself will give you a sign: Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a Son, and shall call His name Immanuel.”

What special meaning does the fact that the prophecies concerning the birth of Christ being fulfilled have for our lives today?

It gives us faith to believe that what God has written in His word is true.  It helps us to believe in the reality of the birth of Jesus Christ and all that comes with it.

The prophets of the Old Testament prophesied many wonderful and awesome things including God's destiny and purpose for the church today as well as the eternal kingdom.  If what they said about the birth of Christ came to pass, then that which has been prophesied for today and the future will also come to pass.  This gives us faith to believe in all that God has for us.

2.  His Birth Meant Joy Coming Into The World.

Much joy was brought into the world as a result of the birth of Christ and this joy has now entered into each one of our lives as a result of His coming into our lives.

Luke 1:14   "And you will have joy and gladness, and many will rejoice at his birth.”

John 15:11 "These things I have spoken to you, that My [joy] may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.”

Acts 2:28    “You have made known to me the ways of life; you will make me full of [joy] in Your presence.”

3. The Birth Of Jesus Meant That A Savior Was Provided.

Mark 10:45 “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”

A friend once received a Christmas card that had a special significance. It went something like this:

"If our greatest need had been information, God would have sent us an educator. If our greatest need had been technology, God would have sent us a scientist.  If our greatest need hand been money, God would have sent us an economist.  But since our greatest need was forgiveness, God sent us a Savior."

4.  His Birth Provided Hope of Eternal Life and a Way for us to Enter Heaven.

John 14:2   "In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.

John 14:6   Jesus said to him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.”

We celebrate the birth of Christ, Who has given to us a great hope.  We can be comforted and walk in tremendous joy and peace, knowing that Christ our savior was indeed born over 2000 years ago.  Therefore we have access to Him through faith.

Romans 5:1-2 “Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.”

Romans 15:13 “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Thanks to the birth of Jesus Christ, we have the hope of eternal life and a wonderful life here on earth filled with all of the blessings that God continually bestows upon us.  Let us give glory to God for all that He has given to us through the birth of Christ.

WHAT IS YOUR DREAM?

"Look, this dreamer is coming!...let us...kill him."  Genesis 37:19 - 20

Everybody has a dream.  What is yours?  If you could do anything, what would it be?  Most of us do not achieve great things because we give up, we fall short, we get off track, we settle, or we dream too small.  Only two things stand in your way: dreaming it , then doing it.  Have you dared to dream, really dream?  If something is within your apparent reach, it is not a dream.  If it does not stretch you, cost you, or involve risk, it is not a dream.  Dreams change you even as they change the world around you.

Maybe you are listening to critical people.  Remember the story of Joseph?  He dreamed big dreams.  God-given dreams.  And what was the response of his brothers?  They said, "Look, this dreamer is coming!...let us...kill him."  People who are not pursuing their own dreams are usually the first to criticize people who are. So, who are you listening to?

Maybe you are afraid to dream too big.  You do not want to fail.  Nobody does.  But "safe living" leads to regret.  Theodore Roosevelt said, "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor souls who neither enjoy much nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat."  What is the worst thing that could happen if you pursue your dream and do not achieve it?  You could end up where you are now.  And what is the best thing that could happen?  You could find yourself in new territory, enjoying new blessings, living the life God meant for you to live!

THE IMPACT OF COSMETIC SURGERY

Recently, there has been a lot of discussion in the press about women and cosmetic surgery and it struck me as rather ridiculous for this to be a topic of debate for us.  Interestingly, the issue of cosmetic surgery is one that has been and continues to be of great interest in the UK and America.  The difference is that as surgery, it has almost become the norm and a daily occurrence in those parts of the world and both men, women, even some as young as in their early teens, commonly engage in some form of cosmetic surgery.

The discussion usually have to do with the pressure women in particular feel they are under to look young and the general aversion the West has to any form of aging and their obsession with youth.  However, as a form of surgery, people do not generally tend to die from the procedure [there might be a few exceptions].  In contrast, there appears to be a growing number of disastrous results with Nigerian women who have undergone the procedure.  Early this year, there was a young Nigerian woman who lost her life in America after having buttocks implants.  There have been a lot of questions as to why they are having such negative results and whether it might be because they are not forthcoming with their full health status.

Any medical procedure which has not gone on as planned can have distressing results.  The negative effects of an operation can leave you feeling extremely depressed and anxious.  Regardless of the aesthetic results of any cosmetic surgery, having this form of surgery is usually associated with increases in anxiety and a tendency to depression, with an eventual lack of satisfaction with the results.  This increased casual use of cosmetic surgery and surgical procedures can result in a life time of mental health problems.

It would appear that our women might be negligent in doing even the most basic research on cosmetic procedures.  They probably rely on encouragement from friends or what they see in magazines and forge ahead on decision that can have permanent ramifications in their lives.  You need to understand what your own health needs are.  There are so many detailed questions to ask.  How long will the benefits last?  Will there be a lot of pain?  Will you need anesthesia? How long is recovery?  Is there anything to be done to avoid bruising or speed up recovery?  How long has the surgeon been practicing  or how many of that particular procedure?

This is your face and your body and cosmetic surgery is a personal, physical and psychological experience.  One size does not fit all.  Before you embark on something so enormously life-changing and probably unnecessary, you need to be very thoughtful, careful and afraid.  Some women have cosmetic surgery or try a procedure because someone has persuaded them to try it.  Sometimes, the desire is provoked by those feelings of discomfort as the natural aging process sneaks up on us; those innocuous comments that sometimes send women into a tailspin of insecurity and anxiety about their appearance.  You need to think clearly and carefully for whom you are about to alter your face or body, in the knowledge that there is no guarantee of the outcome - physically, emotionally and psychologically.

Many women are unrealistic about cosmetic surgery.  What are you trying to accomplish?  While there is no denying it can do marvelous things for those who have realistic expectations and take the time to do the required investigation and preparations, it is not a magic treatment or a cure all and it most definitely cannot give you self esteem on a sustained basis.  It is only transient.  It will not make an older woman young again and it may not necessarily transform your experiences in life.

Most importantly,, cosmetic surgery cannot take the place of a warm, loving, healthy relationship with a partner, or the strength and courage you derive from well nurtured friendships.  Your external appearance will not alter a damaged internal world.

HELP! I CANNOT SLEEP!

If you sleep well, you not read this.  But if you do not then it is for you.  What is the big deal about sleep?  A lot!  Sleep is a period of rest.  But it is much more.  It is an essential time for your body to perform routine maintenance and repair damage from your day.  But do you get adequate sleep daily?  Inadequate sleep or insomnia is harmful to the body and mind and makes you less able to function effectively.  Insomnia is not a respecter of age.  Although, it is more common in adults, its frequency increases with age.  When do you experience inadequate sleep?

1. When you are under stress.  Insomnia is not unusual when undergoing a particularly stressful period.  Some worry about whether or not they are going to be able to sleep, even before going to bed.  This, in turn, causes insomnia as the person lies awake worrying about not being able to fall asleep.
2. When there is a health issue.  Health problems often interfere with sleep.  People who suffer pain, perhaps from a condition like arthritis, may find the pain keeps them awake at night.  Heart conditions and respiratory problems can make it difficult to lie down comfortably too.  An overactive thyroid gland may cause restlessness and sleeplessness.  For aging women, they may discover that menopause disturbs sleep patterns.
3. When under the influence of drugs/alcohol.  Drugs and alcohol interfere with natural sleep, and people who are withdrawing from substance abuse also report problems of sleep.  Not only hard drugs cause sleep problems, but prescribed medications too.
4. Other disturbances.  Surprisingly, a partner who snores, loud neighbors or shift work distort sleep.  In particular, night work may disturb the body's natural clock and sleep pattern.  Short term sleep problems may be caused by jet lag.  The environment itself may play a role; for example, the bedroom or bed may be too hot or too cold.

ANY SOLUTION?

Yes.  Just adopt healthy life style practices.  Insomniacs should also get out of bed if they do not fall asleep after a reasonable amount of time and return only when they become sleepy again.

• Have a schedule.  Associate your bedroom with sleep and rest and do not multitask in it.  Maintain a consistent schedule and go to bed and wake up around the same time everyday.
• Avoid cigarettes and caffeine.  Stop smoking, avoid alcohol, caffeine and a heavy meal before bed time.  Cut down on your coffee or switch to decaffeinated one.  Tea may cause insomnia if consumed in large quantities.  Remember, something that charges you during day will also keep you up all night.
• Stay awake.  Try not to sleep during the day and do not nap.  By not napping, you will make your body more tired at night.
• Exercise.  Exercising within three hours of bedtime can keep your body alert and make it harder to fall asleep.  Instead, engage in body exercises during the day or early evening rather than at night.  Vigorous exercise during day is followed by a good night sleep.  The more physically tired you get during the day, the better sleep you will get at night.
• Keep a daily stress log.  Write down your daily stress triggers, responses and outcomes.  By taking notes of these, you can begin to see how you respond to certain situations and eliminate or learn to cope with stress causing agents.
• Seek professional help.  Talk to a licensed therapist about the core issues surrounding your insomnia.  Ask your doctor about over the counter or prescription sleep medications.  Before you take any sleep aids, be well informed of potential side effects, risks and interactions with other medications.
• Take a hot shower.  Taking a warm bath before going to bed helps to relax your tense muscles.  This helps you to sleep better.
• Please, eat right.  Many healthy foods contain ingredients that can act as sedatives or boost certain hormones to induce sleep.  By altering your diet, include other foods.

BUST THE MYTHS OF SLEEP

Myth: To function best, you need to get eight hours of sleep.

Fact: There is no big deal about that number.  Everyone has different sleep needs, and you will know you are getting enough when you do not feel like nodding off in a boring situation in the afternoon.  It does not have to be eight hours.

Myth: More sleep is always healthier.

Fact: Long sleepers may suffer from problems such as depression or uncontrolled diabetes that makes them spend more time in bed.

Myth: Waking up during the night means you will be tired all day.

Fact: It might be your natural cycle so you do not need to be worried.

Myth: You need prescription drugs if you have insomnia every night.

Fact: Sleep medications are designed for short term sleep problems caused by stressful events.  People with long term problems benefit more from cognitive behavioral therapy like retraining your perceptions of sleep and learning better sleep habits.